Stuck in the past? Worried about the future? Don't worry, that's an epidemic in our society.
And that's why Presence in the Present is the third foundational step in developing a spiritual lifestyle.
The past is already over. We cannot change what we did or what was done to us. We have to move on. It's hard and it takes work to do this. I suggest getting into therapy to unpack the past. This is how we can start working on that Ego and view the past as lessons and strength training.
When we learn from the past we can see patterns in the present moment and make more rational, healthy decisions to either take the path for what we want or continue to be in a loop.
The future is not written. No diviner or fortune teller can predict the outcomes. When I get asked to divine for people it is always dealing with present situations. I will say I have a gift for seeing potential outcomes and the potential opportunities those outcomes can produce. But it's like the roots of a plant. It separates from the choice into more lines and those lines each have a moment of choice which separates further. Creating a tangle of threadlike structures that can circle back around and overlap previous choices or entwine with other threads to prepare even more complex choices to make. It's dizzying and exhausting.
Why do we expend so much energy worrying about the future? Because we want the best our life can offer, of course.
To get that life we want though, instead of worrying about all those outcomes and choices, we need to focus on the choices before us RIGHT NOW. You want to be financially independent but you're working a dead-end job waiting for the right opportunity to come along. Have you researched in your free time? Have you found your skills and practiced them? Are you resting on your laurels? Or are you a subscriber to, "When opportunity comes knocking, take it?" If you don't do anything in the present to make yourself available the opportunity will never come.
If I like to draw and do art, I may want to do something with my art. But I don't do it enough or as much as I like; how can an opportunity come to say, "Yeah you have a portfolio now, let's find a way to put it to use."
If I am tired and hurting and emotionally spent I want to be happy and healthy. Do I just wait for it all to get better? Do I just sit there and continue the same routines? How will that ever get me to be happy and healthy? I have to take the steps to either go to therapy or find what is so upsetting and change it. I cannot wait for that to come. I have to do something in the present. Some little things to start driving the car of my life toward the future I want.
If you have started to do rituals for a healthier spiritual lifestyle and you have started to sync with your body, CONGRATS. Those are two small decisions in the present that are making a change for your future. Focus on now. Have goals but take NOW as the time to start them. Every small action counts.
And each time you perform one of your rituals you get better at it. Each time you notice those subtle signals from your body you are growing your awareness. Rituals and connecting to your body allow you to be more present in your day-to-day life. The rituals help you to focus on goals and clear away things that are distractions or deterrents. Connecting with your body allows you to more quickly pick up on what is happening around you so you can make wiser and more informed decisions.
And more importantly, YOUR PRESENCE MATTERS. Think about car accidents, the majority of them happen because someone is distracted while driving. When we have all these memories of the past we get stuck on and all these worries about the future and how to make it, we forget what is most important. At this very moment, while you are reading these words, you are alive and breathing and all that matters is what you are doing right now. And that’s not saying my little posts are these phenomenal works of wordsmith art. That’s just the mentality you need to adopt. “This moment is the only moment I have and I will never have it again.” That is what it means to make the most of your life and make every moment count.
I don’t want this post to be long so I am going to sum it up with a sad but true story. A couple of days I carried on with regret for a long time and had to do some healing work for myself.
A few years ago, I became friends with someone. They were a barber working for the same company I worked at. I was asked to be a model for them when they started because they needed to practice a specific technique of haircutting on men. It was one of the best haircuts I ever received. They eventually left the company and moved away. When they moved back I immediately contacted them for a haircut because no one seemed to get it right.
As I continued to have appointments with him he would share with me various struggles and issues he was facing in life. I started looking for ways to help him get back on his feet and offered a few suggestions. Some he was open to and willing to apply for. We were working out some details relating to one of those opportunities but unfortunately, it didn’t happen. He found another opportunity instead and we celebrated that.
A few more months went by with a few more appointments. Same as always. And I always made my next appointment with him while sitting in the chair. It was the day before my appointment. And I didn’t have anything to do that day. For some reason when I woke up, I felt very strongly about reaching out to him and inviting him out. Go grab a couple of drinks, walk around the city, and just hang out a bit. Get him out of his home and out of his head. I felt that way all day. I pushed it away though with the excuse, “Meh…I’ll see him tomorrow for my haircut. Maybe he will just have some free time after that and we can go hang out somewhere.” I pushed off that feeling and decided to wait for the future.
I texted him the next day to confirm my appointment. I never got a reply. I texted a few more times and even called once. Nothing. I had his mom on my Facebook page. She was my boss at that company we both had worked at. (She was never over him, we worked in completely different business sectors.) I messaged her and she replied, “Blaise, I’m sorry to say this but he is currently in the hospital and it does not look good.”
He had struggled with addictions on and off. And this time, he had gone too far with it. He was found that morning and rushed to the hospital. After about a week or so his family decided to sign the papers. He saved a few lives at least because he was an organ donor. But I knew it wasn’t just a simple overdose. He had found a different way to end his struggles.
I felt so guilty about that for so long. I refused to get a haircut for nearly two years after. “If I had just followed my gut feeling,” I kept telling myself. I moved on and healed from it. Part of that healing though was to make a promise to myself. A promise to never again ignore my intuition. A promise to be available to others and make sure they have ample time to talk about how they feel in the moment.
I learned, the hard way, to be present in every moment. To listen to signals from my body and my mind. To trust those signals and trust myself to be enough.
If you are still worried about the past, stop it. It's already done.
If you are still worried about the future, stop it. It’s coming whether we like it or not.
What matters is today. What matters is now. What matters is this moment. Once you finish reading this go do one of the projects you have been putting off. Call that friend you have been thinking about lately. Stop ignoring the signals of the present and begin acting on them. You have this moment and nothing else matters but this moment.
Thank you for reading. As they sang in Rent, “No day but today.”
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